In the movie “The Bucket List,” Jack Nicholson’s character, Edward Cole, uses the phrase “like smoke through a keyhole” to describe how quickly a life passes. This is not meant to be a morbid concept, but rather a reminder that we should all value each day, each moment and each adventure – good or bad – just because of how fast time goes by.
There isn’t a single child in the world who hasn’t, at one time or another, told a parent or grandparent “I wish I were a grown-up” and there isn’t a single parent or grandparent who hasn’t responded “time moves so quickly, don’t rush it”. Another common complaint children make is “it’s taking so long!”, to which the parent or grandparent inevitably replies “don’t rush it, the older you get the faster time goes by”. That latter reply sure holds true. It was yesterday that I gave birth to my first child…it was yesterday that I witnessed the birth of her baby. It was yesterday that I graduated from college…next year will be my 50th reunion. It was yesterday that I lost my Tom…this April marked three years. And so on and so on.
The other day I had a conversation with my younger daughter about the value in experiences, good or bad. And how we can’t just remember the bad parts but try to derive some good from those events as well. I have tried to explain that whether a traumatic experience teaches us that we are stronger than we thought we were, that we are survivors (some of you who know me well will understand part of this reference) or that there are just simply some bad people in the world that do bad things and that being a victim of bullying or a trauma is not EVER the fault of the victim – the lesson is all part of our personal history, a history that creates who we are. And that that history is a moving evolution.
The point I was trying to make with her was to not linger in the past, to move on and to try to derive some sense of the benefits, if you will, of even the toughest of our times. Time passes too quickly to regret, to bemoan, to whine or complain. The passage of time is something we cannot control – the use of our time is. We have to attempt to be in control as much as possible – that is why I have said so many times that the grief I feel for losing my beloved Tom will always be a part of me, but I can’t let it define me. I am stronger than my grief. That does not mean I don’t grieve. That doesn’t mean I don’t cry or miss the sound of his voice, his laughter, his compassion, his sheer presence (or his chili, for that matter 😉) What it means is that I cannot dwell on the grief – that would be a waste of precious time.
At a critical point in “The Bucket List”, Morgan Freeman’s character, Carter Chambers, tells Edward Cole that the Egyptians were asked two questions in order to be admitted to Heaven:
Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
How can we answer either query in the affirmative if we dwell on the bad and don’t focus on the good? You don’t need to be perfect to give or receive joy, but time passes too quickly to have the regrets that might result in completely negative answers to these questions. whether you believe in an afterlife or not – the point being made is as earthly as it is ethereal.
Find the joy, be the joy – time passes too quickly to do otherwise…like smoke through a keyhole. ❤